The Nauseating Truth About Is Vulnerability a Choice?
Vulnerability is the state or quality of being at risk of being hurt or attacked, either emotionally or physically.
Consider the possible consequences. Why would anyone choose to be vulnerable when there are so many? Who would want to be subject to an emotional or physical attack.
It seems very strange to be vulnerable at the biological level. We are more likely to get hurt if we are vulnerable. A predator can physically cause us to be maimed or even killed. Fear of rejection can be caused by emotional attacks. Avoiding vulnerability is a smart move, since most people don’t want their genes to be lost. To increase your chances for a long and healthy life, be tough. Do not allow anyone to hurt you.
Humans want more than survival. Our quality of life is also important. We want our lives long. We also want our lives to be long.
Good relationships are a key part of living a happy life. Social creatures are more likely to live longer and healthier lives if they have people that they trust and love. People who make us laugh and can help us get through the inevitable difficulties of life are important to us. People who are able to relax and be themselves make our lives less stressful. Get this book for free for a more positive and confident life in relationships. It’s difficult to create the kind of relationships that provide comfort and resilience without genuine vulnerability. While vulnerability can be dangerous, the rewards of strong, positive relationships are greater.
IT’S HAPPENING
We are all vulnerable at any time. We are susceptible to viruses, accidents, misunderstandings, and the pain that comes with our fears and anxiety. Vulnerability is part of our everyday lives. It is possible to decrease our vulnerability by having close relationships that allow us to be vulnerable. Dr. Sue Johnson stated on The Knowledge Project that “We need connection to others like we need oxygen.” Without it, we’re too vulnerable.”
When it comes to vulnerability, we only have one choice: to admit it or not. It can be difficult to be vulnerable, especially if you haven’t had positive experiences as children. However, social connections can sustain us. Without mutual vulnerability, meaningful social connections are difficult to create and maintain.
People pretend that they don’t have vulnerabilities. These people can be frustrating to be around. Why? We know everyone is vulnerable at some point, so those who claim they aren’t are lying. People who aren’t honest don’t like to be around. People who are unwilling to admit their vulnerability (at least to them) don’t make good friends or partners. We can’t learn a lot from them to help us deal with our own weaknesses. We sense something missing in our relationships with them, even if it’s difficult to spot. They aren’t willing to put their trust in us and risk injury.
Talking about how everything is going in their lives is fine, but it doesn’t give much insight into how you deal with the things that are not. Someone who believes they are perfect will blame others when things don’t go their way. They are unable to admit that they were wrong which is another disadvantage to having them as friends.
Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, said that “the more afraid and vulnerable we are the more we are afraid.” To protect ourselves, we create lists of all the things we will not do and ways we won’t interact with others. We are identified as having vulnerabilities that can be exploited to harm us. We put up huge buffers of anger and denial because it seems like if we confess that we fear something, then our entire lives will come crashing down. People will rush to exploit our weaknesses. But that’s not true.
Reciprocal interactions can be created when we’re willing to be vulnerable, usually to our closest friends but sometimes to others when it would benefit us to put ourselves out there. This empowers all.
We can say, “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” “I’m sorry for causing your pain,” “I’m scared,” or “I’m struggling with this,” which frees up energy. Our illusions and buffers are no longer necessary. We openly admit our weaknesses and allow others to do the same. You might hear, “I make mistakes all of the time,” “I’m afraid as well,” or “I also struggle with this.” In that shared space, we can let some fear go and allow for deeper connections. We can become stronger when we are open with others and don’t have to be judged. Situations that cause stress can be less stressful.
We strengthen our connections with those we share it with.
While someone might mock you for expressing fear, it is far more common to be praised for your courage and feel a sense of relief at sharing the situation. To feel connected, you don’t need to be afraid of the same thing as you. We all fear something. By being open about our fears , we have indicated that others may be able to share their fears in return.
I’ve written about the social-media prism before. It distorts reality and leads most people to believe they are the only ones who live in misery sometimes. There is a lot to be afraid of. The posts about great career opportunities and vacations are just one example. Complex and varied lives are reduced to a highlight reel. We rarely see the final cut.
VALUE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sharing the good times can be more valuable if you are open about the downs. It’s also more relatable. Failure is more valuable than success. Learning from the failures of others is extremely valuable, as we cannot try everything. It is useless to hear only the tale of the successful entrepreneur who sold their company. It’s not helpful to hear about the many failures, trials, stops and starts, and doubts they had.
To be vulnerable, you must first be honest with yourself. You can’t be honest with yourself about how you could improve. You can’t admit to being a bad friend or partner. How will you be a better friend? If you aren’t willing to admit your mistakes, how will you learn from them?
We can build valuable relationships when we are open to sharing our vulnerability with others. To trust someone we must know if they will be there for us when we are vulnerable. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, “When you are able to be vulnerable for a while, and that person listens and cares about what you’re going through, that’s when they’re the one to trust.” This vulnerability can also serve as a test of your close relationships. Why bother if you aren’t able to be vulnerable with someone? What good can a relationship where you cannot be vulnerable with someone?
We can reduce our vulnerability and increase the quality of life by having people we can share our vulnerabilities with. We often find that by putting ourselves out there, and taking the risk of hurt, we have more meaningful interactions with those in our lives. We are more resilient when we have people who we trust to share our most vulnerable moments.
